I’m able to catch my breath now. Easy, one exhale after another, like I’m catching gently fluttering dragonflies.

For the past few days I've been breathing out frosty mist that haze my seemingly windshield-world.  Each breath is a cloud of doubt, a whirlwind of confusion, mist on a cul-de-sac, a blur.  But I have to continue living—breathing.  So I decided to remain calm.  Think as logically as I can and finally come up with a decision that would alter everything. After all, life is all about decisions and how you face up to its consequences.

Nah! This is just an exaggeration. Of course I will continue living, of course I will continue breathing, it’s a precious life and I wouldn’t want to let simple misunderstandings and career dilemmas bring me down.  Although it definitely muddled my life for few days, it took but one decision to bring things back in order--with a handful of modifications, of course!

For one, I have to deal with a several thousand peso reduction from my current salary. But better this than lose my sanity and peace of mind.  I told my dear friend that in life there are always trade offs, and this is definitely one of those.  Of course there will be problems like how the hell am I going to stretch such earnings to provide for my family and my personal needs? But come to think of it, there are thousands of poor-homeless-jobless people around surviving the day. 

Why should I worry, I still possess something they don't. Well, not that I despise them of course, but I should consider myself still lucky. (Please remind me to pray for them or maybe do something good once everything has fallen into place.)

Then there is a sacrifice on poetry.  Poetry is my life (although I couldn’t say that Poetry finds me as a prolific hand for its fulfillment) and it’s worth pursuing regardless of its lack of immediate benefits (read: there’s no money in poetry) but hey, life isn’t all about money---it’s about fulfillment, happiness, and meaning. 

Right now I can say that I have found measures of adding meaning to my life through poetry. However, I have to temporarily reduce time for it, less time to go on-line to check the happenings in Pinoypoets, review and read poems, attend General Assemblies and organize activities ...but I believe in poetic justice.  I’m sure my Muse will work this out for me.

Then there’s a curtailed time for relationship, dates, precious moments together but I have proven that when it comes to love- I am always able to make time (hope I did).

But the good news is I will be Korean-free (hooray!) and more importantly I could have my peace of mind back.  Start a new, be braver this time, be more diligent with my work, be more focused and start building a better career for myself.

I have found a bend in this cul-de-sac, now I can continue the journey but before that bring on the Samba beat and Spanish percussion and Tina Arena for the background music… for my freedom dance.

 

Now I Can Dance - Tina Arena:

So I hope this finds you well, sun is shining down eastern valley ways,
There's some news I need to tell you, give my mother a kiss,
tell her I'm okay. I recall her words, "If it's too easy, it never lasts",
I have compromised, but I'm finally free of the past.

Now I can dance, clouds have all disappeared,
Freedom, I hold so dear, cause nobody knows me here.
Though I can only imagine the sadness in your eyes,
Please understand, now I can dance.

All alone the other night, I came to realise we'd be friends for life,
It was always meant to be, for some people the heavens can get it so right.
Like an angel you see, you have graciously offered a hand,
You'd be so proud of me, now I'm finally taking a stand.

Now I can dance…

So I hope this finds you well, sun is shining down eastern valley ways.
So good, be free, can dance and laugh and just be me.
So good, be free, the clouds above have disappeared.
 

heyo xamness :)

i'm glad everything is working out for you :D mishu *hugs*

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